The Spark

On Moving Forward

I’m not letting go,
But moving forward
From the third of my life
That taught me so much.
The confusion, the joy, the pain
Was all worth it.
The best decisions and worst mistakes
Were all on purpose.

I’m not letting go,
But moving forward
From the nights with tears
and hands pressed against my face;
From the internal screams of confusion
From being twenty-something,
Feeling completely lost,
And frantically wondering,
Who is going to find me?

I’m not letting go,
But moving forward
From the moment I looked into the mirror
And caught eyes with myself,
And realized that I have to be there for me,
And the only person who is supposed to find me is me,
And that I can’t give myself to a world
When I can’t give to myself first.
And for the first time,
I finally put myself first.

I’m not letting go,
But moving forward
From the place of knowing
I’m in a place to visit places I packed away,
And from unpacking dark moments
And faces that triggered pain,
And tears that finally came
That we’re shoved deep down inside
Of my unconscious mind.

I’m not letting go,
But moving forward
From finally walking in the steps of my truth
And journeying without a concrete destination,
Except the one that is onward.
And though I stumble sometimes,
And wonder, am I going the right way?
I just keep walking and eventually see
The familiar signs that show I’ve always known.

It’s a bitter sweet ending
And crisp beginning,
Simultaneously wrapped into this moment.
And as I close my eyes,
Take a breath,
And reminisce on the times I couldn’t
Because either joy or sadness took it away,
I am grateful.

Grateful that I’m in a space
Filled with just as much uncertainty
As I had those years ago,
But with clarity and hope within my heart space.

Moving forward doesn’t mean
It didn’t happen
It means loosening the grip
Of what did
And knowing your past
Will always be with you
But does not, and has never defined you.

And what that in my mind,
I put one foot in front of the other,
Glance back for one last sweet moment,
And move forward.